Author Archives: Joey

Let’s Talk About The Sex


We know that talking to your beloved pet about the S-E-X can be difficult. That’s why we’re making it easy for you. Just read our book, “How to Talk to the Cats and Dogs About the Birds and the Bees,” and you’ll learn how to teach your anipals the virtues of being virtuous. Look for it on Amazon today... well, actually don’t.

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Help HelpJoey.


A few weeks ago, we asked everyone to help us build awareness for our mission to end animal overpopulation by tweeting or updating your facebook status with “#stopchasingtail.” This week, we’d like our fellow pet purity patriots to do something similar. Except now, we want to know how you are helping Joey with his quest to end animal overpopulation. Same kind of deal as before – mad libs for the web. Update your FB status with “I @HelpJoey by…” And then you fill in the blank. Then to be eligible for the prize, repost on our wall.

Here are some examples.

“I @HelpJoey by telling all my friends about spay and neuter.”

“I @HelpJoey by bringing him pizza when he’s on stakeouts.”

“I @HelpJoey by talking to my cat about abstinence.”

“I @HelpJoey by not letting my dog watch Cinemax because I don’t want him to get any ideas.”

They can be as outlandish or as based in reality as you want them to be. Actually the more ridiculous, probably the better. The person with the most Facebook likes on our wall wins a HelpJoey t-shirt, so they can show everyone that they’re indeed helping Joey.  Good luck. Have fun. Be creative. End animal overpopulation.

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Humpables!


At HelpJoey.com, we’re trying to do everything we can to stop dog-on-dog and cat-on-cat action. But dog-on-Humpable or cat-on-Humpable lovin’, we’re totally ok with. There has never, ever been a case of a Humpable getting pregnant.

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#stopchasingtail already.


One of the things we’d like our fellow pet purity patriots to do is help us build awareness for the issue at hand, which is the need to get all pets spayed and neutered (this is truly the only way to eliminate the animal overpopulation problem we have in this country). Which is why we’re asking for your help today. Remember those old mad-libs games? Well, this is sort of like that, but for the social media age. We ask the all of our crusaders of kitty and canine chastity to post in their facebook status or tweet...

“I get them to #stopchasingtail by...” And then you fill in the blank.

For instance, “I get them to #stopchasingtail by bribing them with trips to the pet spa.”

Or, “I get them to #stopchasingtail by promising them wet food every meal for a week.”

Or “I get them to #stopchasingtail by telling them to take a cold shower.”

Easy... and yes, we know, a little weird. But hopefully when your friends and followers read this, it will intrigue them and want them to join the mission.

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Purity Collars


Purity collars, they just don’t represent your pet’s pledge to abstain from the freaky deaky, they’re also quite a fashion statement. (Not yet available in stores).

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Learning their language


Guess this makes HelpJoey bilingual. Kind of. Sort of. Watch as he figures out how to communicate with the felines and get them to stopchasingtail.

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Partnership


Big, big news. The ASPCA has decided to get behind Help Joey and our mission. This is so awesome because they’ve already done so much to help animals, which makes them the perfect partner. We care a lot about animals. They care a lot. We believe that with their help, we have a better opportunity to get the spay and neuter message to even more people, which will help more animals in the long run.

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Dogs gone wild


If you know any cats and dogs who aren’t spayed or neutered and who like constantly  get it on, let us know, HelpJoey now does housecalls. We’ll get those pets to stopchasingtail.

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Sniffing Butt: The Gateway Activity


According to some experts, dogs sniff each other’s backsides as a way of introducing themselves to each other. Others claim that it’s a little more complicated than that. They assert that dogs have two anal glands in their rectums, which emit a scent (mostly) undetectable to humans. This aroma essentially acts like the back of a baseball card, detailing the sniffee’s vitals—everything from gender, health status, temperament, even what they had for dinner last night. These so-called experts claim this behavior is analogous to the fact that we humans are able to recognize people by faces, clothes, and speech patterns.

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Animal overpopulation stinks


Animal overpopulation stinks. It’s a huge problem in this country. Too many cats and dogs, and just not enough loving homes to care for them. That’s why we’re doing this whole thing… you know trying to stop all the cats and dogs out there from getting their hump on (it would be a lot easier if more people got their pets spayed or neutered… just saying.) But we can’t do this by ourselves. We need your help. We need you to tell everyone about HelpJoey.com and our “stop chasing tail” mission. We need you to become Ambassadors of Abstinence and Proliferators of Pet Purity, and  help us spread the stop humping word. We also need tons, and tons, and tons of “likes” and “followers” to make this campaign a success and change the fate of countless numbers of animals nationwide. So let’s all go out there and break up some animal sex.

Stay tuned to HelpJoey.com for more “stop chasing tail” action!

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