A few months ago, I had an idea. That idea was HelpJoey.com. It stemmed from the fact that my wife, Anne, and my neighbor, Ana, were attempting to solve our own little animal overpopulation problem in our neighborhood. We had a huge feral cat colony residing in our cul-de-sac, our very own microcosmic manifestation of a seriously tragic issue that haunts every corner of our country – an issue that causes nearly 5 million cats and dogs to be sent to shelters each year, where nearly 3 million are euthanized. But Anne and Ana were doing something about it in their own way. After seeing litter after litter of kittens being born (one of these kittens literally almost fell out of a tree and onto my head…which is how James became part of our family), they decided to trap them, take them to get spayed or neutered, and then release them right back where they found them. After they did this to about ten cats, I joked with them and said, “It’s expensive to be responsible, why don’t we just stop them from having sex.” We laughed. But an idea was born.
Could a social faux pas be the way to end pet overpopulation—well, until everyone spays or neuters their pets, that is? We think so! That’s why our crackerjack team of some of the biggest and brightest stars in the world of science (these dudes named Ben and Jess) have developed our latest HelpJoey.com gadget. But remember, whoever smelt it, dealt it.
Mr. Bobo was a troubled lad before he met us. But thanks to some love and support from his family and a conversation with HelpJoey.com, now we believe he’s on the path to purity.
If I have to, I will bribe every last one of those felines into not having intercoursel relations with one another ever again. (The funny thing is, I’m allergic to tuna so i was totally risking my life here.)
When the dog that lives here brings his girl back to his place, I’ll just pop out and stop any potential puppy-making that’s about to go on. And if I have to, I’ll wait hours. I wonder if this doghouse has WIFI.
So for the last 47 hours I was hiding in the bushes in a popular cat hangout making sure no one had any funny ideas about getting their freak on. Mission accomplished. Plus, it gave me an excuse to reuse my Halloween costume from a couple years ago.